Win Win Situation
by pika318
Summary: Faced with a huge amount of udon left over from her failed poisoning attempts, Suzuno decided the best way to get rid of them before they expire was to feed them to the person who is most unaffected by it.


**pika318: **I'm posting for moko-chan as usual. Hope everyone enjoys this one shot as well.

**moko-chan:** This occurs between the end of vol 2 and vol 3.

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><p><strong>One shot: <strong>Win Win Situation

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><p>"Ugh...it's so slow..." Urushihara let out a groan of impatience as he pressed the 'enter' key on his keyboard a few times.<p>

He was trying to access the website for "pizza hat" and order some food to eat. Payment would be, of course, from the Demon Fortress' finances. Even though Ashiya would have been glad to let his fellow general starve for an afternoon while he was at the library, his kindness overruled his first instinct and he had reluctantly parted with it in the end.

Just as the page finally started to load, there was a sharp rap on the door.

"Lucifer, open the door."

It was the demons' next door neighbour, Suzuno, also known as Crestia Bell, an inquisitor from the Church. Normally a person would knock and wait for a response, but since Urushihara was in the house all the time, Suzuno did not bother to wait.

Urushihara turned towards the door, briefly contemplating whether to ignore Suzuno. But when he turned back and was still greeted by a loading screen, he decided that he might as well see what she wants.

Getting up slowly from his sitting position, he sluggishly walked to the door. Then he opened the door without removing the security chain.

"What do you want? Ashiya and Maou are not in." Urushihara said.

"I know that already. The walls are thin you know." Suzuno commented.

For a moment, Urushihara idly wondered what kind of things she could hear from next door were, but decided that it was better to let that train of thought go.

"So…why are you here?" he asked.

"I made lunch."

Urushihara paused. Fine, he understood that Suzuno made lunch but he could not understand why she told him that. Was she trying to prove that she can cook (which she had proven many times that she could) or was she trying to invite him to eat with her (that's not possible is it?)

"And?" Urushihara asked, confused.

"You haven't eaten...right? I did not hear anyone come to the apartment."

"I was about to order a pizza until you interrupted."

"Good. You haven't ordered yet. I made loads so you might as well eat what I made." Suzuno continued. It did not sound like an invitation. If anything, it sounded more like an order.

"Bell. Are you inviting me to eat lunch with you?" Urushihara asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

Suzuno frowned. "Yes. What else does it sound like?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you inviting me for lunch? I'm pretty sure Ashiya didn't ask you to make lunch for me. I don't think you would even if he did. Also, the last time you made meals for us, the entire meal was contaminated with holy water which made Ashiya sick. So unless you're trying to kill me..."

Urushihara started stating his reasons for suspecting her but he was interrupted by Suzuno.

"I'm asking you because you can't die or get poisoned from eating the holy food."

"Huh?" He was even more confused now.

"I brought too much from Ente Isla and their shelf life is ending. It would be such a waste to throw them away."

That's right. Urushihara did remember seeing the large amounts of udon that Suzuno brought with her.

"I cannot let Ashiya eat it because..." Suzuno continued saying.

"The answer's obvious..."

"That's right. And Maou may be more resistant compared to Ashiya, but he is starting to get a tummy ache from eating the food."

"Emilia?"

"Emi - dono took some back but she is not too fond of udon and she said she did not find it pleasant to eat with curry. So I do not think I should force it on her."

"And it's okay to force it on me?"

Suzuno rolled her eyes at Urushihara's question and gave a look which said 'do-you-seriously-think-i-care-about-your-opinion'.

"Forget I asked. Sasaki? "

"I do not know what holy food can do to a human. Do I look like I would put Chiho-dono's life at risk?" Now Suzuno had her hand on her hip and she looked cross, obviously annoyed that Urushihara would even considering nominating Chiho in the first place.

"Fine...look, it's your own fault that you have so much so don't try to force me into this...bye..." Urushihara proceeded to close the door only to have Suzuno push the door to prevent him from closing it.

"Oi! I am not eating your udon!" Urushihara protested and tried his hardest to close the door but then he remembered that Suzuno was a lot stronger than she looked and was definitely physically stronger than him.

"Let's put it this way." Suzuno started talking in low voice, almost threateningly. "You waste a lot of the Demon King's hard earned money. If you eat my udon, you wouldn't have to buy food and you can save the money."

"Che. Like I care. Sheesh. Would you cut it out already?"

"If I throw it out and some stray animal eats them, it might die."

"Dispose of it properly then. Besides, why would I care what happens to some animal."

"What if the garbage collectors get harmed from coming into contact with it?"

"Finish the damn thing yourself then."

"It's too much! Even I can get sick from consuming so much holy food."

"THEN WHY BRING SO MUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Urushihara hollered angrily, finally losing his patience.

"I was planning to kill all of you, of course I would bring this much. Who could have known that all of you were that hard to poison? Furthermore, one of them was even completely unaffected by it." Suzuno rolled her eyes again.

"You should have done your research and found out that fallen angels are still essentially angels." Urushihara scowled. The pizza page probably loaded already but he still could not order because of this.

"If that's the case, then you must actually really liked the udon right? What's more, you must know that the food gives you magic."

Urushihara paused for a moment and then asked, still annoyed of course, "Who told you that?"

"Sariel - sama. He said that angels do not usually eat, but when they can, they feast on holy food. No angel would dislike its taste. He also added that this food is brought to battle because it provides the angels with a source of magic. Well, it's the same for us inquisitors and other holy magic users."

"You know that it gives me magic and yet you insist on letting me have more?" Urushihara laughed. "Aren't you worried that I'll get enough magic and turn against all of you?"

"You wouldn't do that...you're too lazy." Suzuno said in a dead pan voice.

"I'm almost tempted to do something just to go against you."

"No wouldn't. Don't you already have magic inside you? From the food I made last time?" Suzuno asked. She had a slightly smug look on her face when she said that.

"Your point being?"

"You haven't done anything yet. I'm pretty sure you would have enough to cause enough destruction and fear to fuel the Demon King's and Alsiel's magic but you did not."

"Because…." Urushihara started saying but was interrupted by Suzuno.

"Because The Demon King did not order it and despite how you act around him, you still follow his orders."

Urushihara narrowed his eyes. Much as he was annoyed that Suzuno assumed that he will definitely follow Maou's orders, she was right, he had no reason to go against any of them right now.

"And what if Maou gives the orders for me to gather demonic energy?" Urushihara asked.

"He won't do it, not now at least. No…more like, not anytime soon."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because he wouldn't want to make Chiho-dono sad."

"Urgh…. How did this become so complicated."

Seeing that Suzuno was not going to budge, and he slowly losing this argument, Urushihara gave up. Another reason what that he was afraid if the conversation dragged on any further, she might just break the door with her strength and he was going to get scolded for the damage anyway even though it would be essentially her fault.

"Fine...I'll eat the udon."

"Good. You have nothing to lose anyway. You get lunch, you save money and you get magic." Suzuno stopped pushing the door.

Urushihara sighed in defeat and opened the door before following Suzuno to her apartment. When the entered, he noticed that there were still several boxes of udon left.

"How long is this going to take?" Urushihara asked although he was afraid of the answer.

"About 2 weeks…at least." Suzuno answered, filling a bowl with udon and handing it to him. "Here you go."

"I hate you so much."

"It's mutual. Eat up."

Urushihara sighed again and slowly ate his lunch.

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><p><strong>moko-chan:<strong> This was just based on the fact when Urushihara commented in volume 4 that he could use holy magic because he had been eating quite a lot of Suzuno 's cooking on a daily basis.

Yes, I know in the anime, Urushihara commented that the holy food "reeks", but in the novel, he "gladly ate the food", so I assume that he actually likes it.


End file.
